All of the buds haven't bloomed yet. They'll really be beautiful when the blooms are all open. It's just a matter of time.
If you don't make the connection with the title of tonight's blog entry, you're either older than I am, much younger than I am, or you've just never heard the song before. It's a David Bowie song from the early 70's. "Time may change me, but I can't trace time."
I'm feeling a little older and less wise this evening. You know. It's that feeling you get when you've not only done something really stupid, you've done something really stupid that upset someone you care about. I've made my apologies and all fifty million of them were accepted, but time hasn't passed enough to make me feel better yet.
My sister Judy died in October 2007. My mom died 10 months later in August 2008. I've learned a lot about time since then. Whoever first said that "time heals all wounds" was an idiot. (Whoever first said that "God won't give you more than you can bear" was just downright stupid, but I won't get into that one tonight.) Time doesn't heal anything. It just passes.
But one thing that time does do is gift us with the space in which to change. You do something stupid. You apologize. You're not the person you want to be. You make changes until you are. Change is good. It's a second chance you're awarded after you've royally screwed up the first time. It's that chance to make things right.
I've screwed up a lot of things in my life. I have 15 years of therapy behind me to prove it. I've had more second chances than one person deserves and while I do the best I can with them,I still have more work on myself that I need--and want--to do.
"Time may change me....."
I hope it does.
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Debby, you are so right, time doesn't heal all wounds, my mom passed away March 10, 2003 and I still miss her so much and still have an emptiness in my life and my heart. It just passes. I, too, have had many second chances. I don't think there is anyone person, who is honest about it, that hasn't had many second chances. None of us are perfect and I am the first to admit that. But, I like you, do the best I can and still have a long way to go. I remember the song, love it.
ReplyDeleteLove the azaleas. And I love your blog. I look forward to reading it and sometimes laughing and sometimes crying. You are one awesome lady and friend and I thank God I found you again. Thanks for sharing and being my friend. Love ya friend.
Peggy McGee Muster: My mom once told me that you never really grow up until your parents die...I think that sums it up. Being all grown up wasn't what we expected. Dealing with it is how we honor all our 'role models' both good and bad. Dealing with it defnes what our truth is. And we just keep on dealing, don't we.
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