Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Loose Ends, This and That

John Tesh and Oprah Winfrey?  REALLY?  You have got to be kidding me!

Okay, now that I've gotten that out of my system (although the image is forever burned into my brain....my eyes! my eyes!)....

More of Debby's Rules for Driving

If we're in double turn lanes and you're not in my lane, don't go speeding around the turn when the light hits green, expecting me to let you into my lane.  Look, bozo, you knew you wanted to be in my lane before you got there.  Get in the lane you want next time.

If we're sitting at a red light and I'm in one straight-ahead lane and you're in the straight-ahead lane next to me that merges into my lane after the intersection, don't think you'll be getting into my lane because I'll let you over out of the goodness of my heart.  You knew which lane you wanted before you got to the intersection.  You had the same opportunity to get in my lane as I had.  Next time, get in the correct lane and wait in line like the rest of us.  Yes, that's me rolling my eyes at you as I cozy up to the car in front of me so you can't cut in.

And this one from my friend Bev - If you are in the left turn lane and I'm in the lane next to you about to turn right on red, don't inch your car forward so that I can't see the traffic coming from my left.  Just because you're pissed off since you have to wait for the light doesn't give you the right to keep me from going.  Put your tail between your legs and back off so that I can see!

Let's Go Krogering...Krogering...

If you're old enough to remember that jingle, then you must be about my age.  Somewhere between 50 and 85.  Actually, I'll be 57 in July and, of course, I do have a few thoughts on aging:

  • my 20's sucked
  • my 30's sucked
  • my 40's sucked
And then I reached 50.  Amazing.  My whole life changed.  The first thing I do every morning is fart.  All I have to do is roll over in bed and there's a zinger.  I walk down the aisle at work, chances are there will be a fart.  Same thing at the grocery, the library, the bookstore.  Everywhere.  The best thing about it?  I never know when it's going to happen!  I get no warning, so neither do you!  And I can't do SBD's anymore (you know, the Silent But Deadly ones).  Oh no.  They're amplified.  When you turn 50, you grow a microphone in your pants.

I can't read the small print anymore.  I keep a pair of reading glasses everywhere I go.  We're talking about the onset of cataracts and now I'm getting double vision in my right eye, which is not a bad thing if I'm leering at George Clooney or Kate Beckinsale, but still....

Got the hearing aids last December and let me tell you, batteries for these things aren't cheap and they have to be replaced every 7 to 10 days.

And I'm not going to get any taller.  If I wear shorts, I look like the kids in the Peanuts strip whose shorts touch the tops of their shoes.

But it's not all bad and do you know why?  Because I decided that when I turned 50, I don't have to do anything I don't want to do anymore (provided I stay within the limits of the law; I don't want the FBI checking up on me again).  So "Debby's Rule for Turning 50" is "I'm over 50 now and I don't have to do anything I don't want to."  My 50's are fabulous and I can't wait until I turn 60.  "Debby's Rule for Turning 60" is "I'm 60 now and I don't give a crap."

But Doesn't Your Job/Company Drive You Crazy?

You'll never read anything bad in this blog about my job.  I can't express how ecstatic, joyful, grateful, thankful, blessed, and happy I am to have a job when so many people are out of work.  On the other hand, it's all fair game after I retire!

Speaking of Kroger, What Exactly Did You Buy There Last Night?

Oh crud, all kinds of healthy garbage.  Tomatos, green peppers, onions, carrots, fiber bars, fruit.  NO CHEETOS.  Buttermilk for my partner in crime.  Kitty treats (for the cats, not me!)  Deodorant (for me, not the cats!).  Skinny Cows.  Nuts.  Did you know that eating 12-14 walnut halves every day can help reduce your cholesterol?

What About That Book?

Great.  Now I have to get serious.  The tentative title of my book is "All the Pieces You Left".  It's about my mother (I miss you, Mom) who died on August 23, 2008, after a ferocious battle with Alzheimer's disease.  It's also about me dealing with chronic, clinical depression in therapy for the last 15 years.  It's about the similarities between the two conditions, it's about the human condition, it's about thinking "this is how it starts" everytime I can't remember what I did with my car keys or where I parked the car.  It's about more that I can't go into right now because I don't feel like crying tonight.

Are There Any Other Blogs You Recommend Besides "Pasta Queen"?

There are only two that I can think of at the moment, but I'm sure there will be more later on.  Check out "Hawkins: Adventures in Parenting" at http://www.hawkins.roninspoon.com/.  Also, take a look at the Harrison's blog at http://www.pedouins.org/index.html.  Ed Hawkins is a great writer, chef, and now father.  The Harrisons are a family of 5 traveling from Kentucky to Alaska on a bicycle built for 5.  Their journey is amazing.  Oh, I just thought of another one.  Read "Enjoying the Small Things" at http://www.kellehampton.com/.  Baby Nella's story is precious.

Finally, What Do We Have to Look Forward to Next Time?

We'll be talking about food, weight, food, probably food, and Farewell Food Tour 2010.  Don't miss it!


  1. You do make my day!

  2. I am still laughing! After a trying day at school in a classroom with 5th graders, I needed this. You are awesome. I can also relate to how much you miss your mom. I miss mine more and more every day. She has been gone 7 years and I sitll miss her so much. Okay, you need to get started on that book; I am looking forward to reading it. Have a great evening my friend and thanks for the laugh.