Thursday, April 29, 2010

Tests, Tests, and More Tests

Got the test results today.  The results are.....more tests! :-(  After talking with Dr. Evil, I had 3 more huge tubes of blood drawn, peed in the cup AGAIN, and added a chest x-ray.  We know I have really bad anemia, but we don't know what's causing it.  It's not iron deficiency.  So now we're on the hunt.  If these latest tests don't explain anything, then I'll get to visit the blood specialist.  Not looking forward to that at all, so we're hoping that the tests today will reveal something.

Do you know what pissed me off the most about it?

I didn't get weighed at the doc's office!!  I wanted to see if I had lost any weight, but the nurse hustled me right in to the examining room.  Hmppff!!

The news could have been a lot worse.  I'm thankful that it wasn't.

I really need some bacon.  I'm having withdrawal symptoms.  I'm counting hogs in my sleep and I'm hallucinating that our cats are pigs.  Some chocolate would be nice, too.  Mmmm...chocolate covered bacon!  A gastronomical delight!  Lest you think I'm delusional, let me draw your attention to "Boss Hog Bacon Chocolates"!  You can get 'em in both milk chocolate and the healthier dark chocolate.  I kid you not.  Check it out at:  And for bacon products that will have you maxing out your credit cards just to buy them, see the Bacon Freak at  You can get your bacon bandaids there, your bacon wallet, your bacon belt, and all kinds of other fine bacon products.

Geez, now I'm hungry.

As long as I'm bouncing around from one thing to another, check out this picture of the newest phase of the "trout pout" at  Those lips could beat me to death!  Why would anyone do that to herself?  I sure wouldn't want to be standing next to her in a high wind.  Think about it. :-)

Monday, April 26, 2010

It's Time for the "Were You Born Stupid or Do You Have to Work At It?" Awards

And the awards go to (in no particular order):

1.  Tiger Woods
2.  Charlie Sheen
3.  Jesse James
4.  George W. Bush and his dancing partner, Dick Chaney.  No, George, I said "dancing", not "prancing."  Sit down.
5.  Anyone who (insert activity here) while driving.
6.  The Evendale police officer who was driving 90 miles an hour in his big honkin' SUV police vehicle and almost flattened me on Glendale-Milford Road just so he could get to the 5th/3rd ATM.  Moron.  And I mean that sincerely.
7.  Anyone and everyone who has any connection whatsoever with "Jersey Shore".  Make sure you pick up your STD test results from your doctor.
8.  Paris Hilton.  Just because.
9.  Speidi.  Hey, I'm just sayin'.
10.  The brilliant minds in Hollywood who can't come up with new movies, so they keep remaking old ones.  ("Karate Kid", anyone?).
11.  Parents who say "Stop that crying or I'll give you something to cry about."  Well, duh, Einstein, you stop smacking me and I'll stop crying.
12.  Everyone who spits gum out on the sidewalk just so I can step in it.  You know who you are.  God knows, too.

That will do for now.  As Jeff Foxworthy would say, "HERE'S YOUR SIGN".

And the award for best invention ever goes to whoever thought up "cheese in a can"!!! :-)

Well, I guess you can see I'm in a mood tonight.  Fake Cheetos will do that to you.  Oh yeah, I've been munching on the baked ones.  They're better than none, but it's still a poor imitation.  I really need some bacon.  I'm counting pigs in my sleep.

Had the yearly physical last week, right?  That was on Tuesday.  The lab tech squeezed out 6 huge vials of blood from my poor hand.  I got a call on Wednesday.  Dr. Evil wasn't happy with some of the results.  Come back and give some more blood.  5 huge vials more, same vein, same hand.  Got another call on Thursday.  Dr. Evil wants me to drag back into the office AGAIN to discuss my test results.  Is it urgent?  Uh, no, but be there in the next 3 weeks.  So that's where I'll be this Thursday at 3:30 PM.  Getting the lowdown.  I'm wondering if it's going to be weekly B12 shots or a big bottle of that gross, sticky liquid iron that you can never quite get off your teeth.  Yep, I'm thinking this test result discussion is going to be all about low iron, red cell count, and anemia.  Been there, done that.  It looks like I'm about to be there and do that again.   Of course, that would probably explain why I'm sleeping 12 to 18 hours at a stretch without getting up to pee or eat.  So this visit with Dr. Evil may turn out to be a very good thing.  I'll keep you posted.

In the meantime, I think I've lost a pound or two.  Maybe.  Maybe not.  We'll find out on Thursday.  I don't know why, when all I'm going in for is a consult, I have to be weighed, blood-pressured, and temperatured all over again when it all was just done the week before.  How much is THAT costing?  One more reason why health care is in the big mess it's in.

I have to go roll my eyes now.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Farewell Food Tour 2010 ----- CANCELED!

Yes, sadly, it's true.  Never ever schedule your Farewell Food Tour during the same week that you have your yearly physical.  :-(

My doctor is on a diet and she's taking it out on me by making me diet, too.  Now, of course, I was already working on this diet stuff on my own.  But I wanted to do it my way.  A two-week tour of my favorite restaurants, eating my favorite blimpo foods.  But no-o-o-o-o.  Dr. Evil says she wants to see me again in 3 months, and she wants me to be 13 pounds lighter.  The only good news in all of this is that I thought I weighed 210 pounds, but on the doctor's scale, I weigh 203!  Yay!  I've already lost 7 pounds!  I know.  It doesn't work that way.  But it didn't hurt to try.

So now I'm choking down on whole grains and rabbit food.  Not so bad, actually, except for one tiny little problem.  I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome.  I don't do so well with a lot of fiber and veggies.  Are my bowels irritable?  Oh yeah.  They're pissed off!  I spend more time in the bathroom than anywhere.  I have a permanent indented toilet seat ring on my tush.  I have to open the bathroom window every time I go and then little birds fall from the sky and the squirrels keel over.  It's not a pretty sight.

Anyway, instead of having my McDonald's hash browns or cinnamon melt for breakfast this morning, I had a reduced-fat peanut butter sandwich on whole grain wheat bread.  Every Wednesday, the gang at work and I go to Skyline for lunch.  Did I have 2 chili cheese sandwiches and a big slice of chocolate cake?  NO!  WAH!  I ate a baked potato with just a pinch of cheese on it and a garden salad.  Where's the fun in that?  Okay, it was actually pretty good.  But it wasn't chili!

I wouldn't mind it so much if I had just gotten to do the Food Tour first.  Now I have to wait 3 months before I can have nachos and cheese at the movies or the sampler plate at Friday's or the fish and chips with a jar of tartar sauce at Frisch's.  With my luck, I will lose the 13 pounds and want to keep going with the diet.  I'm screwed!

But life isn't all about just food.  It's also! :-)

(And before any of you get on me about my spelling of "CANCELED"....the preferred spelling is with one "L", not two.  I know this.  I'm a writer!)

Ain't Too Proud to Beg

And now we pause for a moment of shameless self-promotion:

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, become a follower of my blog!  I want to see lots and lots of little follower heads and real faces!  I'm so vain!  No, I'm not!  I just wanna be  loved!

Monday, April 19, 2010


This is a picture of the azaleas in front of our house.  Aren't they gorgeous?

All of the buds haven't bloomed yet.  They'll really be beautiful when the blooms are all open.  It's just a matter of time.

If you don't make the connection with the title of tonight's blog entry, you're either older than I am, much younger than I am, or you've just never heard the song before.  It's a David Bowie song from the early 70's.  "Time may change me, but I can't trace time."

I'm feeling a little older and less wise this evening.  You know.  It's that feeling you get when you've not only done something really stupid, you've done something really stupid that upset someone you care about.  I've made my apologies and all fifty million of them were accepted, but time hasn't passed enough to make me feel better yet.

My sister Judy died in October 2007.  My mom died 10 months later in August 2008.  I've learned a lot about time since then.  Whoever first said that "time heals all wounds" was an idiot.  (Whoever first said that "God won't give you more than you can bear" was just downright stupid, but I won't get into that one tonight.)  Time doesn't heal anything.  It just passes.

But one thing that time does do is gift us with the space in which to change.  You do something stupid.  You apologize.  You're not the person you want to be.  You make changes until you are.  Change is good.  It's a second chance you're awarded after you've royally screwed up the first time.  It's that chance to make things right.

I've screwed up a lot of things in my life.  I have 15 years of therapy behind me to prove it.  I've had more second chances than one person deserves and while I do the best I can with them,I still have more work on myself that I need--and want--to do.

"Time may change me....."

I hope it does.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Loose Ends, This and That

John Tesh and Oprah Winfrey?  REALLY?  You have got to be kidding me!

Okay, now that I've gotten that out of my system (although the image is forever burned into my eyes! my eyes!)....

More of Debby's Rules for Driving

If we're in double turn lanes and you're not in my lane, don't go speeding around the turn when the light hits green, expecting me to let you into my lane.  Look, bozo, you knew you wanted to be in my lane before you got there.  Get in the lane you want next time.

If we're sitting at a red light and I'm in one straight-ahead lane and you're in the straight-ahead lane next to me that merges into my lane after the intersection, don't think you'll be getting into my lane because I'll let you over out of the goodness of my heart.  You knew which lane you wanted before you got to the intersection.  You had the same opportunity to get in my lane as I had.  Next time, get in the correct lane and wait in line like the rest of us.  Yes, that's me rolling my eyes at you as I cozy up to the car in front of me so you can't cut in.

And this one from my friend Bev - If you are in the left turn lane and I'm in the lane next to you about to turn right on red, don't inch your car forward so that I can't see the traffic coming from my left.  Just because you're pissed off since you have to wait for the light doesn't give you the right to keep me from going.  Put your tail between your legs and back off so that I can see!

Let's Go Krogering...Krogering...

If you're old enough to remember that jingle, then you must be about my age.  Somewhere between 50 and 85.  Actually, I'll be 57 in July and, of course, I do have a few thoughts on aging:

  • my 20's sucked
  • my 30's sucked
  • my 40's sucked
And then I reached 50.  Amazing.  My whole life changed.  The first thing I do every morning is fart.  All I have to do is roll over in bed and there's a zinger.  I walk down the aisle at work, chances are there will be a fart.  Same thing at the grocery, the library, the bookstore.  Everywhere.  The best thing about it?  I never know when it's going to happen!  I get no warning, so neither do you!  And I can't do SBD's anymore (you know, the Silent But Deadly ones).  Oh no.  They're amplified.  When you turn 50, you grow a microphone in your pants.

I can't read the small print anymore.  I keep a pair of reading glasses everywhere I go.  We're talking about the onset of cataracts and now I'm getting double vision in my right eye, which is not a bad thing if I'm leering at George Clooney or Kate Beckinsale, but still....

Got the hearing aids last December and let me tell you, batteries for these things aren't cheap and they have to be replaced every 7 to 10 days.

And I'm not going to get any taller.  If I wear shorts, I look like the kids in the Peanuts strip whose shorts touch the tops of their shoes.

But it's not all bad and do you know why?  Because I decided that when I turned 50, I don't have to do anything I don't want to do anymore (provided I stay within the limits of the law; I don't want the FBI checking up on me again).  So "Debby's Rule for Turning 50" is "I'm over 50 now and I don't have to do anything I don't want to."  My 50's are fabulous and I can't wait until I turn 60.  "Debby's Rule for Turning 60" is "I'm 60 now and I don't give a crap."

But Doesn't Your Job/Company Drive You Crazy?

You'll never read anything bad in this blog about my job.  I can't express how ecstatic, joyful, grateful, thankful, blessed, and happy I am to have a job when so many people are out of work.  On the other hand, it's all fair game after I retire!

Speaking of Kroger, What Exactly Did You Buy There Last Night?

Oh crud, all kinds of healthy garbage.  Tomatos, green peppers, onions, carrots, fiber bars, fruit.  NO CHEETOS.  Buttermilk for my partner in crime.  Kitty treats (for the cats, not me!)  Deodorant (for me, not the cats!).  Skinny Cows.  Nuts.  Did you know that eating 12-14 walnut halves every day can help reduce your cholesterol?

What About That Book?

Great.  Now I have to get serious.  The tentative title of my book is "All the Pieces You Left".  It's about my mother (I miss you, Mom) who died on August 23, 2008, after a ferocious battle with Alzheimer's disease.  It's also about me dealing with chronic, clinical depression in therapy for the last 15 years.  It's about the similarities between the two conditions, it's about the human condition, it's about thinking "this is how it starts" everytime I can't remember what I did with my car keys or where I parked the car.  It's about more that I can't go into right now because I don't feel like crying tonight.

Are There Any Other Blogs You Recommend Besides "Pasta Queen"?

There are only two that I can think of at the moment, but I'm sure there will be more later on.  Check out "Hawkins: Adventures in Parenting" at  Also, take a look at the Harrison's blog at  Ed Hawkins is a great writer, chef, and now father.  The Harrisons are a family of 5 traveling from Kentucky to Alaska on a bicycle built for 5.  Their journey is amazing.  Oh, I just thought of another one.  Read "Enjoying the Small Things" at  Baby Nella's story is precious.

Finally, What Do We Have to Look Forward to Next Time?

We'll be talking about food, weight, food, probably food, and Farewell Food Tour 2010.  Don't miss it!

Monday, April 12, 2010

Blow It Out Your Tailpipe, Hummer!

I drive a Toyota Corolla.  Not a huge car, but not tiny either.  So I head down to the parking lot after work today and once again, two supersize truck/car/godzilla/bigger-than-mountains things are parked on either side of me.  I can't see squat to my left or my right except for their doors.  I back out very slowly, waiting for what I know is going to happen next: HO-N-KK!!!!!  I get blasted at because someone else is driving up the lane.  Not only do I get blasted, I get the you're-such-a-moron-can't-you-see-me-oh-god-it's-a-woman-driver look followed by the one finger salute.  How in the world am I supposed to see with these gargantuan god-knows-what-the-eff-these-monstrosities-are parked around me?  I can't see through them, for pete's sake.  Then I stop off at Kroger on the way home.  Once again, I'm backing out of my parking space and start up the lane.  Some woman in another megazilla mobile comes at me head on and stops about 8 inches in front of me.  I mean  She's in the middle of the lane.  She couldn't move over before she got to me?  NO-O-O-OOOO.  I had to maneuver around her while she gave me a look that could kill, like it was my fault.  I just looked right back at her with a big obnoxious smile and didn't do jumping jacks on her hood, but only because I had to pee really bad and needed to get home really fast.  It's darn near impossible to drive with your legs crossed.  Anyway, I park fairly far away from the store when I go shopping just to avoid incidents like this.  I swear on my front bumper that one of these days I'm going to be parked out in the East Jesus lot, come back from the store to find my car surrounded by a couple of behemoths, and I'm going to do the Happy Key Dance.  You know the one I mean.  I'm going to write my name in Hebrew AND Latin on every available inch of space on both vehicles with my handy dandy car key.  THAT would be worth going to jail for.  "Sorry, Officer, I just snapped."

And what was I doing at Kroger?  Thanks for asking!  I wasn't buying Cheetos, that's for sure.  Further details to follow.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Forgot to Tell You About the Fish

Scroll down to the bottom of the page and check out the fish.  If you click a few times inside the white box, the fish will come eat the little dots that show up.  It doesn't take much to amuse me! :-)

210 Pounds, 0 Pages, and Counting.....

In case you missed the news today, Justice Stevens is retiring from the Supreme Court, Rep. Stupak is not seeking re-election, Tiger Woods is two strokes off the lead at the Masters, and Ben Roethlisberger will likely not be charged with sexual assault in the Georgia incident (we'll find out for sure on Monday).  Like they say, money talks and sh*t walks.  Not that I know anything.

This just in.......I'm still fat.

Yep, got out of bed this morning, looked down, and still can't see my feet.  There could be miniature Martians in residence between my toes and I wouldn't know it.  : : : sigh : : :

I know I promised that this blog would be about everything but the kitchen sink, but I'll just warn you right now that you're going to see a lot about weight and writing.  Why?  Because my self-discipline isn't working like it used to.  I'm over 50 and no one's the boss of me!  Including me.  So a couple of days ago, I said to myself, "Self?  How can you lose weight and when are you ever gonna write that book?  What you need here is some accountability!"

What I need is a big ol' Snickers bar and a Diet Pepsi followed by a Cheetos chaser.  And George Clooney and Kate Beckinsale to take turns feeding it all to me.  Oh wait, that's the dream I had last night.....

So, I thought, well, there's no more accountability than putting your mouth and your plan out there where people can read it and then call you on it.  HEY, GET THAT CUPCAKE OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND WRITE THE BOOK ALREADY!!!!  See what I mean?

As the title of this post says, I'm dragging around 210 pounds, I've written 0 pages.  I need some place to keep tabs on my efforts to drop the flab and my research/writing for the book.  Can't do much better than a blog.  Come back for the next post and I'll tell you more about the book.  Betcha can't wait, huh?  (Yep, I'm delusional, too!)

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Here We Are

Well, actually it's more like "Here I Am".  I doubt anyone will find this blog for a while.  And why would anyone be interested in anything I have to say anyway?  If I really thought about that, I wouldn't be blogging.  So.....welcome to my blog where I will be shooting my mouth off about everything but the kitchen sink.  Here's my kitchen sink.

To begin with, I'm not Julie Powell.  You've probably figured that out already.  I'm not Jennette Fulda either.  (But do read her book Half-Assed: A Weight Loss Memoir.  She's a terrific writer with a great story.  And check out her blog  I'm just Debby and I'm just trying to sort out and get through life just like everyone else.  (I just used "just" 3 times in the same sentence and now twice in this one.  And I'm a professional writer! Oy!)  So I'll think positively and thank you in advance for reading.  Hopefully, I'll provide you with an interesting journey.

Since I'm the crazy cat lady, I'll leave you with a picture of my cats, Thelma (the orange tabby) and Louise (the calico under the blanket).