Monday, April 26, 2010

It's Time for the "Were You Born Stupid or Do You Have to Work At It?" Awards

And the awards go to (in no particular order):

1.  Tiger Woods
2.  Charlie Sheen
3.  Jesse James
4.  George W. Bush and his dancing partner, Dick Chaney.  No, George, I said "dancing", not "prancing."  Sit down.
5.  Anyone who (insert activity here) while driving.
6.  The Evendale police officer who was driving 90 miles an hour in his big honkin' SUV police vehicle and almost flattened me on Glendale-Milford Road just so he could get to the 5th/3rd ATM.  Moron.  And I mean that sincerely.
7.  Anyone and everyone who has any connection whatsoever with "Jersey Shore".  Make sure you pick up your STD test results from your doctor.
8.  Paris Hilton.  Just because.
9.  Speidi.  Hey, I'm just sayin'.
10.  The brilliant minds in Hollywood who can't come up with new movies, so they keep remaking old ones.  ("Karate Kid", anyone?).
11.  Parents who say "Stop that crying or I'll give you something to cry about."  Well, duh, Einstein, you stop smacking me and I'll stop crying.
12.  Everyone who spits gum out on the sidewalk just so I can step in it.  You know who you are.  God knows, too.

That will do for now.  As Jeff Foxworthy would say, "HERE'S YOUR SIGN".

And the award for best invention ever goes to whoever thought up "cheese in a can"!!! :-)

Well, I guess you can see I'm in a mood tonight.  Fake Cheetos will do that to you.  Oh yeah, I've been munching on the baked ones.  They're better than none, but it's still a poor imitation.  I really need some bacon.  I'm counting pigs in my sleep.

Had the yearly physical last week, right?  That was on Tuesday.  The lab tech squeezed out 6 huge vials of blood from my poor hand.  I got a call on Wednesday.  Dr. Evil wasn't happy with some of the results.  Come back and give some more blood.  5 huge vials more, same vein, same hand.  Got another call on Thursday.  Dr. Evil wants me to drag back into the office AGAIN to discuss my test results.  Is it urgent?  Uh, no, but be there in the next 3 weeks.  So that's where I'll be this Thursday at 3:30 PM.  Getting the lowdown.  I'm wondering if it's going to be weekly B12 shots or a big bottle of that gross, sticky liquid iron that you can never quite get off your teeth.  Yep, I'm thinking this test result discussion is going to be all about low iron, red cell count, and anemia.  Been there, done that.  It looks like I'm about to be there and do that again.   Of course, that would probably explain why I'm sleeping 12 to 18 hours at a stretch without getting up to pee or eat.  So this visit with Dr. Evil may turn out to be a very good thing.  I'll keep you posted.

In the meantime, I think I've lost a pound or two.  Maybe.  Maybe not.  We'll find out on Thursday.  I don't know why, when all I'm going in for is a consult, I have to be weighed, blood-pressured, and temperatured all over again when it all was just done the week before.  How much is THAT costing?  One more reason why health care is in the big mess it's in.

I have to go roll my eyes now.

1 comment:

  1. Debby, I love your blog, I am still laughing. You make my day. Now on a serious note, Take Care of Yourself. As Sally Field says in her boniva commercial, "You only have one body". Listen to your doctor and please let me know what your "Dr. Evil" has to say. It may be low blood counts, but could be something else too, so glad you had the tests and your "Dr. Evil" is checking it out. Love ya dear friend.