I lost 5 pounds. Then I found it again. Sigh.
I am a "stress eater." Maybe a full-blown "emotional eater." I'm sad, I eat. I'm angry, I eat. I'm depressed, I eat. I'm happy, I eat. I get arrested, I eat. Not that that's happened. But if I were, I would.
I love food. I love Indian food, Mediterranean food, Ethiopian food, Chinese, Japanese, Mexican, Italian, a good ol' American hamburger, peanut butter sandwiches. Cheetos! OMG, Cheetos. "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach." (Have I mentioned that my B.A. in English was a concentration in literature and writing?) Cheetos and chocolate! They're like booze. I haven't had a good, stiff drink in 24 years (can you say "Hello, my name is Debby, and I'm an alcoholic"?), but I still want a Screwdriver or a Harvey Wallbanger every day. I'm afraid that I'm addicted to food just like I'm addicted to rot gut, or is it rock gut (anyway, that's booze, in case you're younger than 30).
I don't think of food as just something that fuels my body. Food is an offering on the altar of "Let's Make Debby Feel Really, Really Good." I lo-o--ov-ve food. Especially anything that's pre-packaged and not good for you. The worse it is for you, the better it tastes. God help me, I'm a slave to nachos and cheese. I'm pathetic.
Never mind that I'm on three--yes, three!--high blood pressure medications. That I have extremely painful and fatiguing fibromyalgia. That hypertension is the BIG killer in my family. That obesity is one of the risk factors for the wretched Alzheimer's disease that decimated Mom. You'd think that would scare the pants right off of me. But no. I can handle it. Give me a hot dog and onion rings and I'll be fine.
It's been a hard week. Mother's Day just made me sad. This coming Wednesday would be my sister's birthday if she were still alive. That made me sadder. And then I got hit with all this medical crap. Trifecta! I've had nachos and cheese, a big Snickers, a cinnamon melt and hash browns from McDonald's, and so much more. This has just got to stop.
So. Five pounds down and five pounds back up. Not good. But today I've done better. A whole grain bagel for breakfast. A veggie salad, hummus, pita bread, and an orange for lunch. Yakiniku for dinner. That's a Japanese meal. Steamed broccoli/carrots/snow peas (no butter or seasonings, just plain), about 3 ounces of stir-fried beef that has been marinated in garlic and cooked with scallions, and a half cup of rice. Unfortunately, all the restaurant has is white rice, but I only ate enough to keep my GERD from stalking me during the night. It's only one day of sensible eating, but it's a start.
I did myself a big favor today. I logged today's meals into my nutrition log on Spark People. This is where I will be accountable every day for my meals, snacks, exercise, life goals, and more. I learned about this site from my friend Bev. She also gave me a copy of "The Spark" book. She is one of my supportive friends who are helping me to literally save my life. I wholeheartedly recommend the web site and the book. I've only done the nutrition log so far. (Today was my first day using the site.) But I'll catch up with the rest as I go along. Little steps. One day at a time. That's what will keep me going.
So why was the bee flying with his legs crossed? He couldn't find a Bee Pee station! :-)