Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Restroom Etiquette 101

I can be a little a bashful in the "public restroom" department.  I'm much better at it now than, say, even 3 short years ago.  But there is still an occasional episode when my kidneys say "hell, no, we won't go" and the number 2 zone won't do a "number" or a "2".  So I know already that I have potty issues and I'm okay with that.  But there are a few things that just totally creep me out and they should creep you out, too.

The first one is that I absolutely cringe when I go into a public restroom stall, drop my drawers, sit down, and the seat is warm.  I just can't stand sitting on someone else's butt heat.  If the seat is cold, I can pretend that no one has ever sat on it before me.  But if it's warm...well, I don't know where that butt's been.  I know that's weird, but there it is.

It gets weirder.

The ladies' restroom by my office has either 7 or 8 stalls in it.  Almost every time I'm in there by myself, whistlin' a tune and doin' my business, someone else comes in and sits down in the stall right next to mine.  Why, when there are 6 or 7 other empty stalls, do you (and you know who you are) have to sit right next to me?  That's just creepy.  If you really gotta go, by all means come on in and sit for a spell.  But when I'm on the throne and it's just you and me and all that empty real estate, don't sit next door.  That ain't right.  I'm sure there must be a law against that somewhere.

If, when washing your hands, you get water all over the counter, please dry it off.  I'm short, okay?  And I'm tired of dragging my belly...I mean, shirt...in it.  And stop shaking the water off your hands and flinging it on the floor.  Were you born in a barn?  That's why God makes paper towels.

Finally, wash your hands.  Yes, you.  And you.  I know who you are.  You never wash your hands after you've wiped and flushed, and it's really grossing me out.  STOP IT!!!

Whew!  I feel so much better now!


  1. You are just too funny, but this is so very very true. I have seen way too many women in the restroom leave without washing their hands, right after they exit the stall. That is sooooooooooooooooooooooo gross. I, too, hate public restrooms and try to avoid them when I can, but sometimes that just isn't possible and I have to suck it up and use them. I usually always use a paper towel to open the door once I have washed my hands. May sound paranoid, but just can't stand the thought of touching the door handle after someone has touched it and not washed. Keep up the wonderful blog. I love it.

  2. I just never know what road I'm heading down when I enter your blog zone! The beauty is you hit on so many things I've (we've all) experienced and have just never talked about. And you make us laugh! You're great! Thanks for the chortle.

  3. YES YES YES!!! Pet Peeve: all that freakin' water on the counter....will it KILL you to grab a paper towel and wipe it up, clueless?? And yes, I DO wipe the counter...and if I touch the counter I wash my hands AGAIN. Kudos to the places that put a trashcan by the door so I can use a paper towel to open the door!