1) Justin Bieber named Artist of the Year at the American Music Awards (as Ozzy Osbourne says, "What is a Beiber?").
2) The Petraeus news just keeps going and going and .......
3) Walmart is starting "Black Friday" on "Family Thanksgiving Dinner Thursday."
4) The Cincinnati Bengals beat the New York Giants.
5) Rosie O'Donnell wants to buy Honey Boo Boo a house.
6) Honey Boo Boo
7) No more Twinkies??!
8) Octomom still has custody of all those kids (and so do the Duggars -- have they never heard of birth control?)
9) Israel and the Hamas are going at it (Book of Revelation, anyone?).
10) I just lost 4.5 pounds in only one week. Hell has officially frozen over.
We're all gonna die. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!