Wednesday, October 24, 2012

A Girl Can Dream, Can't She?

Well, based on the badness of the thoughts I'm having, Jesus has surely been drinking gin out of the cat dish all day long.  Mercy!  Can these Republican candidates be any more stupid than they already are?  First, we had Todd Akin and his insipid "legitimate rape" theory.  Now senate candidate Richard Mourdock gives us this gem: "I think, even when life begins in that horrible situation of rape, that is something God intended to happen."  I could tell these two idiots a thing or two about rape and what it does to a woman, and the biggest one is that God never, ever, EVER would intend that to happen to anyone.  All day I've been wanting God to send down Archangel Michael to handle the situation with Mourdock.  Can you imagine?

Archangel:  "Okay, Mr. Mourdock, you can hand over your balls now."

Mourdock:  "What??!!  Who in the &%#!!! are you?"

The Archangel spreads his wings and pulls a personal size flamethrower from his pocket.

Archangel:  "Look.  We can do this peacefully or I can torch 'em."

Mourdock:  "But...but...but...I need my balls!  I'm running for the Senate!

Archangel:  "Not anymore."

Then the smell of barbecue fills the air.

And that is why Jesus is not only drinking gin from the cat dish, but is also filling out forms in triplicate on why God should revoke my card-carrying-Christian license.

I'm not so heartless and unforgiving that I want to see Mourdock and Akin dead.  I just want them to suffer a little.  You know what I mean.  Penis scurvy, a bodacious case of herpes, genital warts, erectile dysfunction, and just for the fun of it, let them be turned into women.  Not just any women.  DEMOCRAT women!!!

(Full Disclosure:  The idea of Jesus and the cat dish comes from the wonderful, wildly talented writer, Anne Lamott, who wrote:  "I thought such awful thoughts that I cannot even say them out loud because they would make Jesus want to drink gin straight out of the cat dish."  She also wrote:  "You can safely assume you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do."  In my next life, I'm going to be Anne Lamott!)


  1. Hey Debby! Right there with you tonight! I just don't understand why they continue to revisit the subject. Akin is a fool who opened his mouth, but do they have to have an encore? My daddy had a shirt when I was a kid that read, "I would rather keep my mouth shut and be thought a fool, than to open it and remove all doubt." Fool, thy name is Republican today! I try not to condemn the entire group at once, but sometimes it is just amazing to me. Still, I will try to listen and hear with an open mind before I shake my head in despair and just press the "Democrat" button at the poll. So glad that I know you! Becca

  2. HUZZAH!!!! You go, girl!

    Twain had the right idea:
    "Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself."
    - Mark Twain, a Biography